by Jan Owen

Questions…ever since my husband died I’ve had so many questions. Maybe they started before he even died.

With his diagnosis.

With each blow of terminal cancer.

With his tears and mine.

While I watched my children tell their father goodbye.


What do I do now?

Should I go to school?

What will I do to support myself?

Did he truly know I loved him?

Did it hurt?

Should I sell the house?

Move away somewhere?

Does God hate me?

Will I ever feel God’s presence and comfort again?

On and on and on. Always coming. So few answers. I have no idea what to do.

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Even worse when it’s a shocking sudden death, as my beloved husband’s was …. suicide only adds about a gazillion more unanswered questions to the millions every person who’s left behind has.